Wednesday, April 06, 2016

How quickly the bitterness can take hold...

Been an absolute age since I poured out anything here but I am going through a redundancy process which, although I have been fairly chipper about up to now, is starting to cause me some anxiety - so where better to come and what better to do that start blogging again?

I don't want to lose my job

but

I don't think I want to work here any more.

I had the choice of taking voluntary redundancy but have let it go to compulsory - I will be here until March 2017 so I have a regular income and will keep paying into the pension and so on. In the mean time I am supposed to simultaneously work my arse off to find a new job (Here - so I can hold on to all my perks, pay, etc) and 'de-aquisition' everything about my job. De-aquisition. Is that even a word? It's a word my boss presented me with when she suggested we meet up to work out a timescale for the next year in which to completely get rid of all the things that make up my employment.

So it's shit. I know I am going, I have to take part in the process of getting everything sorted.

At first, when I was told, I was shocked but felt a bit buffered by the very good redundancy package that I will get and also the fact that by going to compulsory I am supposedly in a better position as far as getting a new job goes. I cried that day, of course, but I stayed in work and I got on with things.

I have just had a week or so off with B for Easter and today is my first day back. First thing I had to do was sit down with my boss and get a plan together for the 'de-aquisition'.

Today I felt weepy. Today I regretted not just taking voluntary. Today I thought 'perhaps tomorrow I will just call in sick'.

I am not a normally depressed, anxious nor panicky person but today I panicked. :(

No comments: