Wednesday, March 28, 2012

What to get the woman who has everything?


Husband asked me for ideas about what to get me for my birthday. As we have just been given an allotment plot I asked for various things which elicited the following response "I was hoping to get you something nicer than a £4 rake? Something more personal….." which I suppose is fair enough, though I am not sure what is personal about the itunes voucher he proposed last week. I will be 42, what does a 42 year old woman who has 'just enough of what she needs' want for her 42nd birthday? Another baby? Silly suggestion, there is no way we could afford another baby and ideally a bigger age gap between two children would work out better as far as nursery fees go. So rather than ask for fancy things I might like but don't really need I tried to think about what would be useful and at the moment it's watering cans and rakes.

We have a small plot with a shed on the allotment site I used to garden at; we are sharing it with husband's friend Mike. I was given 3 to choose from and we chose the smallest - our half has 2 small and one large raised beds on it and so far I have dug the two smallest and made a plan of what goes where. Already, having been up there twice, I feel calmer and more relaxed. I think this will be good for me as allotmenteering has always been something I enjoy. The hard effort of the digging really releases stress and the hanging about in the sunshine tending to my veg gives me a real sense of wellbeing and achievement, perhaps something I have felt lacking in recent months. It is nice too that husband is keen to help and has shown a real interest in vegetable growing. My ex used to laugh at me and I don't think he helped in any way at all, though I do remember him comeing up to see me one day and laughing at the other allotment-holders in their sheds with their flasks which I thought was really rude.

How the hell did I get to 42 without noticing; last time I looked I was 39. I was 39 when I had my IVF treatment and 40 when I found out I was pregnant. The last 2 years have been so full of other stuff that my age has not been important or interesting. So can I stay at 39 please?

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Thankfully most men can do not get fathers4justice involved in their custody battles

It's been an interesting few days on Mumsnet, interesting, irritating and stupid. The group fathers4justice (F4J) have been trying to gain maximum publicity by harrassing Mumsnet which, although it hasn't worked, has been really pissing boring for regular Mumsnetters. I believe it started with a thread where F4J threatened some kind of legal action against Mumsnet because of the 'anti-men sentiment' on the forums. A big long thread ended up having loads of deletions for breaking the Mumsnet talk guidelines, though most of it was people telling obvious F4J trolls to fuck off. F4J then started targetting Mumsnetters on their facebook page during which they said one woman should be put against the wall and shot and deleted several reasonable posts from women while simultaneously moaning that they were having posts deleted on mumsnet and the Gingerbread site (Which they were also trolling) - I don't think they get the irony. They also decided to protest outside M&S because they advertise on Mumsnet.  Now they have created some stupid Advert taking quotes from Mumsnetters, though who is going to run it and what it actually means is anyone's guess. As all this has gone on it has become more and more laughable and there's a great thread on Urban75 about it and of course on Mumsnet. Have I provided enough links!?

The 'advert' they have created contains quotes like 'fuckwit' which, let's face it, could have appeared a thousand times on Mumsnet and not necessarily in relation to F4J! Of course there are many people who would agree they are fuckwits and worse. I don't think F4J are capable of seeing that they are digging themselves into a massive hole and alienating most parents by their stupididty. This is all to do with publicity really, though not much has really appeared in the press. What really is upsetting is the amount of F4J stuff posted on Mumsnet, the rape apologists, the excuses for Domestic violence and so on. They hijack threads where people are genuinely seeking help for real life situations, disrupting what is usually a great support network. All in the name of fairness for children? Their constant beef is that in their (misguided) opinion the world is full of mother's who are making up lies to keep men away from their children. The reality is that the majority of women who want to deny access ARE doing it for genuine reasons, because their children are in danger of physical or emotional abuse. The majority of single mothers are bringing up children alone because the father of their children has fucked off without a care in the world. Yes, there must be a small percentage of parents (Male and female) who make up malicious lies so they can keep the other parent away from their children but no where near as many as F4J think. Scratch the surface of F4J membership and I am sure you will find a fair share of good reasons why those people have been denied contact with their children; not all of them of course.

Monday, March 05, 2012

trip to Donegal

I booked flights for Ireland today for me D and B. We are renting a 4 bedroom house near glen and it's going to be a proper Stevenson family get-to-gether as mum and her partner is coming and so are my brother and sister, their partners and their kids. This is not something that happens in our family really. Last big holiday I remember us going on was when mum and dad rented a cottage in Fishguard when I was about 10. I always remember it fondly so am hoping this trip to Ireland will be similar in building nice family memories.

Glen is Glencolmcille in Co Donegal. It's where we all lived as kids; me from aged 6 months to 5 years. It's where all my earliest memories are from, from the time my mum and dad decided to live self sufficiantly in the 70s. We still have a house there, which is where my dad was living when he died aged 56 from a heart attack. His girlfriend still lives on the land in a house she built after he died. The house my dad had is still there but is a bit of a wreck; we had it re-thatched but it needs a complete overhaul and could be so lovely if we had the time and money to do something with it.

I am so excited about going as I haven't been for years.