Monday, August 15, 2011


I looked at my scar last night, for the first time.I didn't want to look at it for ages because it felt awful and it represented all the things that went 'wrong' in my labour. Sometimes I think if Bob hadn't been in Neo-Natal, giving me something else to worry about, I might have found it harder to accept he way my labour went. It wasn't supposed to be the way it was but I am so grateful to have a healthy child that it feels wrong to complain or get upset. I do get upset of course but I never complain. I think a lot about getting hold of my maternity notes but never enough to actually request them, though I did a half-arsed search on the internet for information on how to go about getting them. Ho hum.

Anyway, it doesn't look too bad. The scar.

Friday, August 12, 2011

separation anxiety

Well, after my last post things went horribly wrong. I was just about to start hoovering when B (mum's boyfriend) called. B was inconsolable and mum was going to bring him back. 'Have you tried the teething gel?' I asked, 'did you take him into the garden and show him flowers?' but, yes, they had tried all that. Only an hour before my mum had sent some lovely photos of Bob having a great time and finishing up with one of him asleep. Getting him to sleep is one thing my mum has worried about. So it all seemed to be going well but apparently just half an hour into his nap someone had rung the doorbell and woken him up and he quickly went into meltdown. So I drove over and he was pretty much still freaking out when I got there. I doon't know if this is separation anxiety or just a combination of him not having his morning nap and then getting rudely woken from his sleep.

We had timed the pick up so that he might sleep in the car but I have a feeling mum may have kept him awake as she told me she doesn't like it when he goes quiet so she talks to him!! The problem with that is that he likes to have a nap 2 hours after he wakes and unless that changes he really does need to have that morning nap. My mum has to get used to that and has to stick to what he knows so wwe may need to chat about that. Anyway I have been around there again (yesterday) and he was a bit clingy but happy. We are going to start the whole leaving him all over again next week, starting gently with me taking him. I think a big part of the problem is that my mum has only ever seen him happy and so loses confidence in her ability to soothe him when he's not so happy. She panics and that makes things worse. I had to give her a hug when I got there as I could see it was really effecting her :(

I did manage to get his cot up though and the mattress has arrived so I am just about to try to put him down to sleep in the cotbed for the first time. Although in true attachment parenting style it is jammed up against our bed with one side down. Hopefully he will like it and I will get a better night's sleep. Just need the better half to lose some weight and stop snoring and I'll be fine!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

maternity leave draws to a close.

A little about B I think. He is not here at the moment and the house is so quiet. My mum has started coming over, picking him up and driving him to her house about 4-5 miles away. It's so he can get used to being with her before I start leaving him one day a week when I go back to work in September. This is his slecond long stay and he will be there about 5 hours. Last time he loved it so I really shouldn't worry but it is scary him not being here. I have loads to do so I can fill the time quite easily but part of me is always thinking 'I wonder if he's ok without me'.

My main job today is to put the cot up. He has never spent a night in a cot or crib because we have been co-sleeping but a few days ago he managed to pull himself right up onto the bed-guard and he's crawling about so much that we think he may have to go into the cot, at least for day time naps. It is quite scary how fast he has gone from sitting to crawling and now to puling himself up on things. I had thought that as he is a boy he might not do this for a while - they say boys are later developers - but I didn't even get much of a 'plonk him down in a sitting position while I wash up' stage. I posted on Mumsnet on 16th July about his crawling, asking if it was normal for babies to push right up on their toes with their bum in the air and how long it would be before he might crawl. Well the answer for B was about 2 weeks as he first crawled at my brother's house at the very end of July. Last time he went to my mum's I babyproofed the sitting room although we are definitely going to have to do something to secure the TV and to cover the buttons on the games consoles/dvd player etc. He has an obsession with crawling to the X-box and touching the button so it goes 'bing'. Well who wouldn't?

I am back in work on 19th September and so I am trying to enjoy as much time doing fun things with B. We have been to the park a lot because of the good weather. he's also spent a bit more time with other babies and children lately so hopefully he won't feel so overwhelemd at nursery. he is going to go for 4 days but my mum said recently that she might have him for 2 days if the one day works out ok. He does love it there and loves my mum's partner B too.

                                                           Here are some recent photos:


                                               With Elen who was born the same day.
                                                             Me and Bob