Tuesday, September 21, 2010

My sister's good news

My sister is pregnant! She has done a test 5 days before her period is due and it's come up with a line; an immediate and clear line. She is, of course, over the moon as am I, although I am feeling cautious for her because with these early tests there is so much that can go wrong. I don't mean the tests make the pregnancy go wrong but that so many things can happen between now and when she would be expecting her period and between then and her 12 week scan. We both know this having been through a miscarriage each. Though I am never quite sure if she had a miscarriage or an ectopic but do know that one of her tubs is apparently blocked and so gettin g pregnant is a risk for her. I don't know the science of it all but she's under the impression that if she ovulates from her blocked tube side then there is more of a risk of her having another ectopic. She says that she knows each month which side that she is ovulating from and this was a 'safe' month. I don't know if that is how it works but I hope that she manages to get through these few weeks unscathed. If the baby stays then there will be 6 months between our babies which will be lovely.

I just hope that she isn't getting her hopes up too early. I know that sounds really pessimistic but she's got herself so excited and it's just that after the recent experience she has had I think she should be more cautious. Maybe that's just me, maybe that's just because that's how I was when I got pregnant after a miscarriage.

Anyway. here's hoping that she has a smooth and event-free pregnancy and that the baby develops and that I don't get daily telephone calls about every twinge!

I went to the midwife today and all is ok. I had been feeling a little worried about the lack of movements lately and last night was really worried as I didn't get the usual kicking in the evening.  I have never had furious movements but at about 10 pm every night the baby does tend to do a little bt of kicking and punching. Last night it just seemed strangely quiet and I lay away for quite a while worrying. Anyway, it seems the baby has moved position and may now be breech after several weeks of being head down. This may be why I am feeling less? The midwife measured me at 29 weeks (I am 28 +3) and we heard the heartbeat plus it did a bit of kicking too. Also this morning I was on a course all day and most of the morning I was desperately trying to hide the movements in my belly. So it all seems ok, I just need to spend less time slumped on the soffa and try to get this baby to move back into a better position for the birth.

Monday, September 20, 2010

not a yummy Mummy

Why do people put pictures of their baby as their profile picture on Facebook? I mean, why!? I really hope I don't turn into that kind of person. Someone I never expected to do it has just changed their profile picture to a picture of their baby girl. Weirdo. Surely you have a picture of yourself, surely having a baby doesn't sap you of your own personality and identity?

I went to an NCT sale on Saturday and it really freaked me out. Lots of Yummy mummies but then what more would you expect from the NCT? I felt like a complete fraud. What really amazed me was all the women there with their partners/husbands. It seems odd to me that a husband would be that arsed about what is basically a jumble sale, or that these things become family outings! Do they? I am wondering what kind of people I can expect to see in my NCT classes in November and will I be the hill-billy one in the corner?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Baby's first Christmas

I am really hoping that our baby's first Christmas doesn't become an all singing and dancing 'BABY'S FIRST CHRISTMAS'. I am dreading it more and more each day. While I just want to snuggle in with our baby and have some time to learn how to be a mum I have a real fear that it may become something of a big occassion. Hopefully people won't shower us with ridiculous gifts, hopefully no one will insist on dressing up the baby as Father Christmas, hopefully I won't have to hand my baby form person to person for endless photo opportunities, hopefully people will have the sense to know that babies that age don't need their first taste of mince pie. I don;t know why I am worrying all these things will happen, surely people are not that stupid?

I know my fear comes mainly from just not having a clue what the hell other people have planned.I feel too that I am going to be in a po sition from the due date where everyone is waiting for me to give birth and that if I go overdue I will have family pressure to go for an induction. Not that I would bow to that pressure, I will only have an induction if there is something wrong. Thing is, I really want the baby to be late now - maybe around 20th so that I will have a perfect excuse not to go anywhere.

D brought Christmas up the other day so I used the opportunity to try to explain to him that if the baby is late I might not be able to or want to go for a big Christmas meal. I also explained the whole milk coming in and baby blues thing and I am really concerned that he doesn't seem to understand at all. I sometimes wonder if he thinks that giving birth is just a matter of popping out a baby and then carrying on as normal. I get the impression that he expects that I will! Maybe because my pregnancy has been so easy he assumes the birth will be too. Many years ago they would keep a new mum in hospital for a few days, sometimes even a week, but these days they release you ASAP and I think a lot of people just assume that this means a new mum is all set to get up and go and carry on. Not true, at least not from what I have read. D kept saying 'but the baby is more likely to arrive on time than be late isn't it?' which is just not true. First babies are statistically more likely to come late, and anyway that's not really the issue. Even if the baby was on time I still might not want to be fannying about going to a big Christmas meal with all his family at the expense of my own.

Monday, September 06, 2010

Amazing birth story with pictures

I just had to post a link to this wonderful site

Baby shows and childbirth woes

I went to the baby show on Sunday. SIL had suggested we go together on Saturday but I had a friend visiting so was able to excuse myself. Then SIL suggested we go on the Sunday instead which is how I found myself driving round in circles in the rain trying to find a way into the sports centre where it was being held. In the end I walked up the Taff trail and then back on myself to find a way in which was ok as I probably do need the excercise. The baby show was fine, a mixture of pointless and interesting very much like a bridal show. I spoke to the people at the NCT stall and also to someone about breastfeeding support. I am worried that because the baby is due so close to Christmas I might not get the support I need what with people being on their holidays and staff perhaps being over-stretched. I guess in general I am scared about the level of care I will recieve but more of that later. I also spoke to someone about re-usable nappies and feel a lot more able now. We will still use disposables for the first few weeks (D has bought a stack of them) but I really want to switch to re-usables later. It was nice to see my SIL and her husband, though I feel way ahead of them; they are just starting to think about travel systems while I have everything almost sorted. I have just over 3 months to go! I also couldn't help judging a lot of the baby show. There could have been more stuff there for breast-feeding mums and more stuff on childbirth options.

And that is my other worry, the birth. I guess it is natural for someone at my stage to start to worry but my worries are not really to do with the pain but more to do with my options and having those options taken from me either through bad policy or through bad health.  I know that my first problem could be if they try to induce me and then if I refuse if they try to emotionally blackmail me. I don't want a cascade of intervention. people tell me not to have my wants too set in stone because I will only be disappointed if it doesn't work out as I expected but I think so long as I can cope with the pain and as long as I am informed and not in any medical danger then it's not too much to ask that my wishes be considered and catered for - or does that sound too much like a control freak?

A home birth is looking more desirable by the day. I just feel that by being in hospital in the first place I am setting myself up for a medicalised birth. Plus the Heath hospital has higher than average interventions including emergency caesarians! Meh! My age is an issue too, I think it just means I am going to be viewed as being more in need of an induction, more in need of intervention etc.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

feeling left out...

I was gobsmacked to read this thread on Mumsnet today. in particular the comment "it may be that your mil is feeling a little left out in the feeding process". There have been several threads on there recently about interfering parents or in-laws, including ones about visitors after the birth, and there seem to be two schools of thought. The first being that women who have just given birth must include the extended family as soon as possible, sometimes even during or straight after the labour, because if they don't then they are excluding the people who love them most and messing up the grandparent's chance to bond with the baby. The other is that a woman who has given birth should be allowed to say exactly what she prefers and should exclude all visitors for as long as she wants to, plus her husband/partner should be backing her up. I know which I agree with!

So - I find this whole idea that a grandparent might feel excluded from the feeding process a bit odd. Breast-feeding is surely not something that a grandparent should feel they have a right to be included in; it's physically impossible for a start! Where does this sense of entitlement come from and why are women who want time to get used to their newborn and recover from the birth always treated like they are some kind of irrational and mean cow? Maybe because I don't have a huge extended family myself I am a little too much of an Island in my thinking and maybe I will have to learn to compromise when it comes to family wanting time with my son or daughter but I still think it's weird behaviour for a grandparent to expect all these things. I have read so many stories of grandparents punishing their offspring, sulking, kicking off - all because they feel hard done by. Obviously there is the opposite, where mums and dads sem to think they are entitled to free childcare from their own parents and are equally as horrible when it doesn't happen.